Last night I finally told my boyfriend what I do online every day. He was really upset, and I cried a lot. “Why? Why?” he moaned, wringing his hands. All I could do was tell him that I couldn’t help it. The devil had taken over. When I went to my friends for help, they told me that THEY DO IT TOO. Every day, multiple times.
It all started about a year ago, but I started to spiral down about 2 months ago. Those days, I was doing it only 2 or 3 times a week. It felt so good, but it wasn’t enough. Somehow I got sucked into it, and I can’t leave. Every time I’m in front of computer I am compelled to open a browser. My fingers move for me, while my eyes, unblinking, fix themselves on the screen. www.livejournal.com. The UI is horrible. I can never find the filters. And yet, I put up with it all.
Then it began to spill into my real life. Online, offline, online, offline. I can’t tell anymore. Now I have long conversations with fellow lj-ers about what is going on in the ucb lj. (Do you remember that time someone complained that ucb girls are ugly? Which time?) We call everyone by their login even though we know who they are. (No way! Eigenvalue got banned? Ragnus is such a troll. Wait, how do YOU know cookie-girl) So much drama. I’m totally addicted. There is no way out. There is nothing. Nothing but livejournal.
Dennis tried to comfort me by telling me that lots of people on tribe do i too. Maybe I should start checking my tribe more…