Oct 192006
 

Here’s the other movie about ddolls. It’s really interesting to be placed in front of a camera and told to talk. It actually makes me uncomfortable. I usually prefer to be on the other side of the camera, though I may continue this experiment of filming myself speak. I like trying new things, especially if they make me feel awkward.

Lately I’ve been thinking about self-deprecation (it started when ephermata pointed me to the Goffman paper, and then I read some other things including a paper about other people’s opinions influencing your perception of yourself). In greek myth heroes proclaim their might and valor, whereas we prefer our modern heroes humble and modest. With increased wealth our society has become ‘nicer’. When you’re not worried about where you’re going to sleep tomorrow, you have more energy to devote to helping that old lady across the street. When a person calls himself an loser, I am likely to disagree and highlight why he is not a loser. Self deprecation is ‘useful’ because it makes people less likely to be mean to you. Everyone is insecure about something so perhaps we empathize with the dejection that often comes with failure. We don’t like to kick people while they’re down (unless it’s deserved). We do, however, like to kick arrogant people when they fall. The punishment, then, is for arrogance and not for failing.

Oct 192006
 

Here’s the other movie about ddolls. It’s really interesting to be placed in front of a camera and told to talk. It actually makes me uncomfortable. I usually prefer to be on the other side of the camera, though I may continue this experiment of filming myself speak. I like trying new things, especially if they make me feel awkward.

Lately I’ve been thinking about self-deprecation (it started when ephermata pointed me to the Goffman paper, and then I read some other things including a paper about other people’s opinions influencing your perception of yourself). In greek myth heroes proclaim their might and valor, whereas we prefer our modern heroes humble and modest. With increased wealth our society has become ‘nicer’. When you’re not worried about where you’re going to sleep tomorrow, you have more energy to devote to helping that old lady across the street. When a person calls himself an loser, I am likely to disagree and highlight why he is not a loser. Self deprecation is ‘useful’ because it makes people less likely to be mean to you. Everyone is insecure about something so perhaps we empathize with the dejection that often comes with failure. We don’t like to kick people while they’re down (unless it’s deserved). We do, however, like to kick arrogant people when they fall. The punishment, then, is for arrogance and not for failing.

Oct 172006
 

ddolls movie
This is the first of 2 that I plan on making. It consists of highlights of the show. My second movie is gonna be more about me and clips from when Amy and I were on stage singing.

Sometime I consider buying a pro account so I can embed my movies in here, but then people on jumpcut could find my lj. I like keeping things semi-separate.

Oct 132006
 

I am so FUCKING excited about the show and afterparty tonight I think I’m gonna explode into tiny pieces of light. The only thing keeping me together is that it would be really hard to sweep me all up in time for the show.

I have some ideas for the movie I’m gonna make around the event. On a side note, it’s kinda weird working for a video company insofar as I’ve become really into video documenting things I have done. It tends to shift my focus and mentality. I try to keep a cap on the amount of footage I take since it’s difficult to capture the experience as well as live it, and I get annoyed when other people make me pose for a zillion pictures. It makes me wonder what it would be like to be famous or grow up as a child of a famous person. Then I think about what personality is displayed on camera. Is it ‘real’? What about someone like lonelygirl15? People were so upset when she was discovered as a ‘fake’. How is an actress portraying the life of a teenager (with the usual hope, fear, angst) different from a teenager portraying her life? I think I need more philosophical discussion in my life. I don’t have enough people to talk to about random thoughts like this.

Aug 212006
 

THE D-Dolls are playing at Bimbo’s Oct 12 & 13. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS (thanx to heather for the notice) I’m picking up 6 tix today for the 13th. 2 are spoken for (me and Dennis). 2 are tentative (Amy, Michael?). I just know someone is going to want the last 2. David? (it’s on me, babes. Thanks for introducing me to them.)

This past weekend was lovely. On Saturday, Dennis took me to see A Chorus Line at the Curran Theater. It was fun, engaging, beautiful, and we had badass seats. We absolutely loved it, and now I want to get back into jazz dance.

Since we had gone to the afternoon show, we decided to do a little shopping around Union Square. We wandered into H & M and it was a nightmare. summer + saturday + ‘sale’ == complete chaos. Dodging the little asian women and squeaky teenage girls, we narrowly escaped the Madonna/tags beeping black hole. Then I wanted to check out Zara, since I was the fan of the Spanish based chain. It was much calmer and surprisingly a more upscale place than I expected. They do make lovely stuff, but everything was almost twice as costly as it was in Italy.

Last week when I saw Andrea (a friend from Italy) he mentioned that Jamie might be working in the city. I kept hoping that (1) Andrea was wrong or (2) I would never bump into him. Turns out Jamie is working in Modesto, and yes, I did bump into him at Zara. We were actually very friendly and polite to each other, and he said that he would email me. (yea right…)

Seeing Jamie again made me start to wonder if we ever could have had a functional relationship. Then I realized that I was trying to convince myself of something that was simply not possible. We were completely incompatible and I was just being stupid. I think I found the closure I needed when I saw him again.

Upon returning home Dennis and I curled up to watch Hedwig (which is one of my favorite movies).

I then find myself in Rome with one of my coworkers on a ‘Jumpcut exchange program’. We were sent there to make fun movies. (I think maybe I work too much) My coworker was complaining that he doesn’t go out enough and we were about to run off and cause trouble in Rome when I was jerked awake by the sound of my phone. “baaawwk baawwwk bok bok bok!!” It’s 940am and I know exactly why he’s calling me.

I miss out on Thai Brunch. :(

In the eve, I go to Berkeley and Lin and I enjoy Pearl Tea and donuts in the crisp cool air. We admired the the optimistic, hopeful, sacchrine balls of energy whirling around us as we chat about nothing and everything.

I wonder if I will get spoiled by such pleasantries.