Justine made me this adorable video for my birthday. It’s a montage of a bunch of photos and videos of us together. I can’t properly describe how I feel about this. It’s wonderful, amazing, incredibly sweet. It brings back a lot of memories. It’s strange to think that we met on the internet more than 3 years ago. Justine is an incredible source of inspiration for me. See? Internet friends can become real friends.
Every time this date rolls around I start to stress. Should I be further in my career? What am I doing with my life? Is this the right path? Am I happy? The thoughts, worries, second-guessings eat away at me for weeks on end. I am cranky, temperamental, and long for the days when I was younger. This year, these feelings crept into my life months before the dreaded date. This year, I decided to apply my nervous energy into working on the sub-optimal components of my life.
I now feel comfortable and happy staying at home while others go out. Gone is the creeping feeling that I am missing out on something if I am not constantly social. As of today, my credit cards are completely paid off, and I’d like to keep it that way for a long time. I am learning to willingly sludge through chores because they ultimately benefit me, despite my inclination to crawl into bed and nap. I guess this is what it means to be an adult. Those darn responsibilities. There is a long road ahead, and with society’s emphasis on youth, I sometimes need to remind myself that experience and maturity is far more valuable than physical beauty.
Despite all this growing up, I refuse to let go of youth. Youth in the sense of appreciating beauty, trying new things, enjoying simple pleasures. After so many years of feeling old, this is the first time I feel new.
I slowly circle it, taking in every angle of it’s beauty while it calmly stands there oblivious to my devious thoughts. I examine each of it’s 20 or so stems; the color and shape of it’s bloom, it’s proximity to the others and it’s scent. Finally I choose one. A slight tug and it’s free from it’s brothers and sisters. The bright green of the apple skin is flawless. Tiny beads of sweat have formed on it’s dark smooth chocolate dress. Perhaps it knows what comes next.
I raise it to my mouth. My lips embrace it as I bite it in half. The flavors — tart, bright, and a touch bitter — bursts into my mouth as my teeth crash down on it. The taste of it’s death dances across my tongue. The chocolate melts in the heat and it’s velvet coating sweeten and smooth out the flavor. It was better than I could imagine.
The note quietly watches the carnage. A quick glance at it, and I cannot help but smile.
I devour the other half and reach for my next victim.